


I Let Go/I Fall Apart

by Kisaaoi



Series: Yellow Acacias On Your Lips (My Secret Love) [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Pining!Akria, Pining!ryuji, Sad, Unrequited Love, i wrote this in a hour what, what is tagging, why must i hurt myself this way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 09:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13738188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kisaaoi/pseuds/Kisaaoi
Summary: “You have to tell him!”“It wouldn’t make a difference.”“It might! You never kn-““Morgana. Stop.”“But you’ll die!”“Everyone dies, eventually. He’s happy the way things are. Leave it.”More flowers are vomited onto my pillow.





	1. Akira's POV

We are told love is beautiful. That it is wonderful. It makes life worth living.  
  
But it can kill you.  
  
We were in mementos when I pulled the first petal from my lips. We had just finished a request. Ryuji grinned, a stupid joke falling from his lips on the ride back. He was radiant, glowing with the pride he got from helping someone. I had laughed, affection for the boy blooming in my chest. The laugh was cut off by a cough. I held my hand over my mouth as I hacked, feeling something come up my throat.  
“Hey, man, you okay?”  
Once the cough subsided, I closed my hand, lowering it to my lap, “yeah, I’m fine.” Satisfied, he turned to pull Ann into conversation. I looked down at my hand, slowly uncurling my fingers. There lying crumpled from the force of my grip were flower petals. I looked up and saw Ryuji smiling at Ann as she tried to fake being irritated at him. 

Oh.

Right.

How did I not see this coming?

I closed my fist, crushing the petals, before shoving them into a pocket.

—

“I asked Ann out! We’re dating!”

I feel the flowers coat my airways.

“That’s great!”

“Congratulations.”

“Aw, why the bone head, Lady Ann?”

Ann smiled and held Ryuji’s hand at the table, blushing. Ryuji looked over at me, happinesses glittering in his eyes.

I could only return his smile, holding back the cough fighting to be free.

—

I eventually became to weak to move. Sakura-San only knew that I was sick, and brought me food and water I couldn’t consume. Mona knew. He would sweep the petals away when our friends came over to visit.

The fits were always worse after Ryuji stopped by.

—

“You have to tell him!”  
“It wouldn’t make a difference.”  
“It might! You never kn-“  
“Morgana. Stop.”  
“But you’ll die!”

“Everyone dies, eventually. He’s happy the way things are. Leave it.”  
More flowers are vomited onto my pillow.

—

It feels like I’m still dreaming when I slowly open my eyes. Ryuji is holding my hand, begging me to be alright. His voice sounds muffled and he’s blurry through my failing vision. Morgana is next to him, voice strained with sadness.  
“Akira, why didn’t you tell me?!” He reaches out and cradles my face. I lean into the touch automatically, selfishly taking the affection that I don’t deserve.  
I feel my consciousness slipping, closing my eyes.  
“Akira!”  
Ugh. Why do I love someone who is so loud? “Open your eyes! Akira!” I feel him grip my shoulders and shake me. “Damn it, I love you! Don’t die on me! I love you!”

If I had the strength to smile, I would. It was such a beautiful lie.

I slipped into the dark, his voice fading away.

It was better this way, really. He had Ann, after all.

And I could finally let go.


	2. Ryuji’s POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You asked for it.
> 
> Ryuji’s point of view

The phantom thieves were the best thing that ever happened to me. No, scratch that. Akira was the best thing that ever happened to... well... anyone. He brought us all together, man! He gave us a purpose! He gave me a friend.

I was the first one. Is it sick to be proud of that? That I was the one to witness the birth of Akira’s persona. That it was me getting hurt that set it off?

I’ve known for a while now how I feel about the guy. As weird as it sounds, Akira is freaking beautiful. He’s composed and graceful. He’s smart and brave.

He’s amazing. And amazingly so far out of reach it hurts.

I try to push down the feeling. It’s been hard, man. I use to go visit him at work, but seeing him put all those flowers together for all those giggling girls felt like a knife slipping into my ribs. Akria surrounded by all those flowers meant for people in love.

And he wasn’t ever going to love me.

I still long to see him smile, though. It lights up his whole goddamn face. Freaking beautiful. 

The last time I saw him smile so brightly was when he first started coughing. I knew I was in deep when it took everything in me to not rush to his side. Like I could pull the illness out of him or whatever. Maybe Ann would know what to do and would help him if I bugged her enough.

—-

It really struck me that he and I were never gonna be a thing when Makoto told Ann she liked Akira. At first, I just felt anger. I wanted to run and run and run until I forgot I ever heard of them.  
Instead, I decided to force myself to move on. If I focused my attention on someone else, those feelings would go away, right? I wouldn’t feel the urge to throw up at the sight of them sitting near one another. I wouldn’t feel the need to claw Makoto’s eyes out of her head for even looking at Akira.

Ann seemed like a good choice.

She was pretty, I guess. But more importantly, she looked nothing like Akira.

When we told everyone at the meeting, I met Akria’s eyes. He looked content. Maybe he was getting well again? That made me happy. I pulled my gaze away from him, clutching Ann’s hand tighter.

Maybe the urge to reach out to Akira would go away if I never let go of her.

——

He wasn’t getting better. 

I visited Akira everyday when he stopped going to school. Ann came with sometimes, but I tended to forget she was there. I couldn’t focus on anything but his shallow breathing or paler than usual face. He smiled and tried to be like his normal self, but I could tell it took a lot out of him.

Ann finally stopped asking if I wanted to go out after school.

———

“Ryuji.”  
“What?”  
“....how long have you...?”  
“....”  
“Oh, Ryuji..”  
“I’m sorry, Ann.”

———

My heart jumped into my throat when I saw Akria’s name pop up in my cell phone’s caller ID.

“Hello?”  
“Ryuji!” Morgana’s voice was shrill. “You need to get over here fast!”  
“Wha-? What’s-?!”  
“Akria’s not going to last much longer!”

My stomach dropped and I was out the door before I knew it. My legs were burning by the time I reached the station.

Why can’t these trains go any faster?!

I sprinted all the way to Leblanc and bolted up the stairs. Sakura-San was no where in sight, but even had he been there, I wouldn’t have apologized.

“Akria!” He was deathly pale. Flowers littered the floor and blankets around him. As I stepped forward, a horrible cough emerged from his mouth, the breath escaping him carrying the same flower petals that surrounded them.

“It’s hanahaki!” Mona wailed, leaping down from the bed. “He’s dying!”

The world seemed to stop for a moment. Ryuji could only see Akira.

No.

No way, man!

He can’t!

“He is and only you can help him!” Ryuji hadn’t realized he’d spoken out loud.

“Huh?! What do you mean?”

“Akria is dying because he loves you! The only way he’ll live is if you love him too!”

“He...loves me?”

“Wait. Ryuji! Do you-?!”

I didn’t wait for Mona to finish. I fell beside Akria’s bed.

I grabbed his hand on top of the blanket, sucking in a breath at how cold it was.

“Akria? Akria open your eyes! I’m here! Please!” I begged. He groaned, smoky grey eyes unfocused as they cracked open. When they landed on me, I couldn’t stop the tears flowing down my face. “Akira, why didn’t you tell me?!” I reached out an cradled his face, sweeping my thumb over his cheek. I wanted to do this for so long but...  
This isn’t how I wanted it to happen.  
He leaned his face into the touch, seeming unaware. His eyes slipped shut once more.  
“Akira! Open your eyes! Akira!” I pulled my hand away and shook him by the shoulder, shouting. “Damn it, I love you! Don’t die on me! I love you!” I dropped my head to his chest. “Please! Don’t leave me!” I leaned up and brought my lips to his. “I love you, you bastard! Don’t-“

It was then I noticed he wasn’t breathing.

And I fell apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to write in his voice? I don't know if I pulled it off, but -shrug-
> 
> ty for reading!


End file.
